After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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