bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
