bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
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