We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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