how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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