we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
