then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
