she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
