I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
