Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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