first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
