She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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