Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
