i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
