i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
