I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
