I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
