why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
