sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
