false alarm. still invincible.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
