yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
