I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
