yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I looked at my own cervix.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
