so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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