Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You smell like stripper and shame
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The air was thick with penises
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
