well I can't set my house on fire every night
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
