Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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