i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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