Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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