I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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