God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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