Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
don't judge my taste in strippers
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
