I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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