ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
