Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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