I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
