In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
