there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
