Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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