i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
