So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
