dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
