what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
