she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
They have beer where we have blood.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
