Can i not drive my cunt home
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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