i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Congratulations! We have a period
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