just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
