Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
