In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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