The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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