I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Non-Jews are for practice
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
