whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
one two three fourrrrnication!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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